i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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