Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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