Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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