His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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