Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
