Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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