They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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