Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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