just come out here and I will go home with you...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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