How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
