Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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