she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
