im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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