what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
