This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
