If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
