sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
try to milk me bitch
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