if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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