im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
