i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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