im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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