So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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