Your face is a jimmy john
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
