You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
