Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize