fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
