...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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