I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i came on her dog
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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