Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
