There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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