I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
