What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
