I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
