I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
