I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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