My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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