When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So vagazzling was a success
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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