cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
