the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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