how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
