I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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