You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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