She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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