I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
