he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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