at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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