I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
