I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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