It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i think i just lost a toe
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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