I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
