You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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