you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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