don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
