taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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