i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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