so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
