So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
