you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
