i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
