Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
