He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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