That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
