mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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