If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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