easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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