in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
