It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
