I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
